- DENNIS FORDHAM
- Posted On
Estate Planning: Dealing with estranged children
Parents and children each have expectations of one another. Unfortunately, life does not always meet expectations and may lead to parents and children becoming estranged from each other.
Estrangement often leads to the unhappy parent disinheriting their estranged child(ren). Why do these unfortunate situations come to pass? What usually happens? What alternatives are there?
I have seen many different scenarios, but some are more common than others.
The most common grievances parents have with their estranged child’s behavior relate to the following: (1) drug or alcohol addiction; (2) failure to become self-sufficient and using the parent’s resources; (3) problems related the child’s spouse; (4) illegal lifestyles; (5) verbal and/or physical abuse; and (6) cessation of communications which denies parents any relationship with grandchildren.
I have seen how these problems greatly upset and trouble the parents to the point where they decide that they should disinherit their child.
What happens then?
When the parent dies, any children who are not disinherited will have to deal with the grievances and trouble created by the disinherited child, who may feel cheated and bitter towards the other children who inherit what would have been his/her share of the estate.
Depending on whether or not these included children wish to preserve any relationship with the excluded child, they may chose to share some portion of what they receive to make peace.
Alternatively, the disinherited child may bring a will or trust court action to invalidate the parent’s estate plan, with the hope of receiving an intestate share equal to the other children’s shares.
The court action will upset other children, particularly any child who is in charge of administering the estate. It will also diminish how much is left to distribute.
Sometimes the parents and the children reconcile, which may take place at the end of life.
For example, a client’s daughter ended her drug addiction, got her life together and became a loving and useful daughter again. Her parents once again included her in their wills.
More often, it seems, the parents and children remain apart and do not reconcile.
Sometimes, the children will feel remorse after the parent’s death and regret the years of estrangement. This may be more likely when the estrangement was simply because the parent and child drifted apart from each other and were not actually hostile towards one another.
What alternative to completely disinheriting the child are open to the unhappy parent?
Until such time as when (if ever) the parent and child are reconciled, the parent may consider the following estate planning alternatives regarding the estranged child: (1) leaving the child a reduced inheritance; (2) leaving the child an inheritance in further trust with stipulations that encourage and motivate the child to reform his/her behavior; (3) leaving some or all of the child’s inheritance to that child’s own children (who may themselves be the objects of neglect or abuse).
The first option, leaving the child a reduced inheritance, recognizes the child as once having been a part of the parent’s life. It also provides an incentive to the child not to contest the will or trust.
The second option, leaving the child’s inheritance in further trust, will help prevent the inheritance from being squandered or abused, further enabling the child’s problematic behaviors.
The third option, leaving some or all the inheritance to the grandchildren, recognizes that the grandchildren are not to blame for their parent’s choices and behavior. It prevents inadvertent punishment of the grandchildren by allowing them to be recognized in the estate while bypassing the individual who was intended to be disinherited.
Each option has its place in estate planning and can be further explored with a qualified estate planner.
Dennis A. Fordham, attorney (LL.M. tax studies), is a State Bar Certified Specialist in Estate Planning, Probate and Trust Law. His office is at 870 S. Main St., Lakeport, California. Fordham can be reached by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by phone at 707-263-3235. Visit his Web site at www.dennisfordhamlaw.com .