Wednesday, 28 September 2022

Officials get ready for annual worm races

CLEARLAKE –With the upcoming 41st Annual International Worm Races quickly approaching on Saturday, July 5 following the parade, Police Chief Allan McClain conducted drug tests ordered by the International Olympic Council to drug test all worms participating in this year’s event.


There have been worms that have tested positive to steroid use. When Chief McClain was asked who tested positive, he said he could not comment at this time.


Amy Reyes from Cactus Grill has been a worm sponsor for the past six years. When asked for her thoughts on worms testing positive for the upcoming race, she replied, “There is no chance that our worm tested positive; he is on a strict diet and exercise program, he eats several fish tacos a day. Maybe he skinny dips in tequila once in a while – but that's it. I bet it is that worm sponsored by Food’s Etc. I have heard some fishy stuff has been going on over there in the past few weeks.”


Lamont Kucer, store manager at Foods Etc., jabbed his finger in the air for emphasis and raised his voice with all the indignation of a man falsely accused. "I have never sponsored a worm on steroids. Period," he told a news reporter on the steps of City Hall. “Our worms are fine men and women who have been training for this event. They would never take steroids intentionally. I insist on an immediate re-test, using the 'B' sample. I am prepared to testify that to the best of my knowledge, only the legal substance Miracle Grow was applied to the surface of the soil which contained the worms in question.”


The City Council announced Tuesday they were shocked and dismayed at the allegations of drug use by the worms. Mayor Curt Giambruno said, “What has the world come to, when we have to worry about our worms taking steroids?”


City Council member Judy Thein agreed. “There is a special place in our heart for these worms. Team DUI will work with Chief of Police Allan McClain to see that these worms get the help they need.”


Bob Rider, owner of Lakeshore Bait and Tackle responded on the scene to inspect boats and asked if anyone needed a quagga mussel boating sticker? One worm did take a boating sticker.


With the chief of police’s recommendation that all worms stay close to Clearlake, we are not sure what the need for a boating sticker was to the worm. The worm, whose name is being held at this time, only said that the boating stickers will cost $10 after July 1; all local boaters should get their boating stickers while they are still free.


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09.28.2022 5:30 pm - 7:30 pm
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