Hooper: Mourning a mother’s death from COVID-19

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Ruth Ziemer, Brenda Hooper’s mother, died this summer in New York state of COVID-19. Courtesy photo.

My mother and I had 70 years together.

She taught me how to have faith, how to laugh and smile, how to work through sadness. She showed me what prejudice looks like, the importance of always telling the truth.

My mother taught me how to love. I have so many wonderful memories of her, but my favorite goes back to when I was in third grade.

My elementary school always had a Halloween party, but that year I didn’t want to go, until, of course, the very last minute. My mother lovingly came to the rescue and suggested possible costumes. No, I didn’t want to be Casper the ghost and no I didn’t want to be a witch.

After much back and forth, my mother looked in the closet and pulled out a box. She put me into that box with only my head and legs outside of it. Then she gift-wrapped the box and put on a tag, “To: Mr. Towne,” the school principal.

She loaded me into the backseat of the car (lying down) and off we went to the school. After pulling me out of the car, we went in. When the third graders paraded across the stage, I found to my joy and dismay that I won. Needless to say, it was somewhat difficult to choose my prize from the huge bag of possibilities when my hands were stuck inside the box. That was my mom, always there for me.

But, I wasn’t there for my mother when she died of COVID-19. I couldn’t be as she was in a hospital in Syracuse, New York. I had to say goodbye to her via FaceTime. I had to attend her funeral via FaceTime.

No last kiss, no hug, no holding her hand. Just the lingering picture in my mind as the nurses removed her oxygen tube because there was nothing else to be done. I couldn’t be there for my stepfather either.

I have the photo above of my mother and a handblown glass heart with some of her ashes on the table next to my favorite reading chair. Sometimes I can barely look at it, my heart is so broken.

It continues to amaze me at the outpouring of sympathy and love I get, often from people I barely know. But at other times, I feel like I’m taking some kind of test to see how quickly I can get over this and I’m failing miserably. This is not about me or my mother, I know that millions of others have and will continue to go through this devastating process.

I’m increasingly concerned about Lake County’s lack of transparency regarding COVID-19. We originally got somewhat regular updates on the number of cases in Lake County; however, we now get very sporadic updates.

Counties across the United States are providing their residents with daily updates. It looks more and more like Lake County is trying to hide something by not keeping us informed.

All the experts are warning us that cases are going to be increasing with the onset of fall and winter. We are already at the point where cases in the United States are at the highest point since this pandemic began.

I am urging and requesting that the Board of Supervisors make this a priority so that we can stay informed and protect ourselves from this. I sent my supervisor, Rob Brown, a note about this, but predictably never received a response.

I will forever blame Trump for her death – his utter lack of any semblance of empathy and his complete ignorance. I see some of the very same issues in Lake County’s response to the pandemic.

There is no miracle and it is not going to just disappear anytime soon; however, it should be dealt with head-on rather than avoiding it. Hiding the facts from the community does us all a disservice. We deserve honesty from those in charge.

My mother was not just another person over 65 in assisted living with co-morbidities, Dr. Pace. She has a name – Ruth Ziemer.

I lost my mother to COVID-19 this summer and I truly don’t want to go through that again by losing another loved one. No one deserves that.

Brenda Hooper lives in Kelseyville, California.