'Fool's Gold' lacks luster

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FOOL’S GOLD (Rated PG-13)


Once arrested on a charge of drug possession and resisting arrest, Matthew McConaughey, according to police reports, was naked and playing the bongo drums. Little did anyone realize that he was prepping for a future role in Fool’s Gold, which requires the actor to be bare-chested almost constantly, as if he were entered into a seaside beefcake contest.


For most of the movie, the bronzed hunk looks like a surfer searching for the perfect wave, though he’s mostly in need of a shower and a clean pair of decent clothes.


Fool’s Gold is an appropriate title for the adventure that compels McConaughey’s Finn, an affable treasure hunter, to be obsessed with finding the legendary 18th century Queen’s Dowry, 40 chests of priceless treasure that was lost at sea off the coast of Florida in 1715.


At least, Finn doesn’t end up playing the bongo drums in the nude. Mostly, he’s preoccupied with saving his skin from assorted thugs who think he might just be on to a huge treasure trove.


At the film’s opening, Finn and his Ukrainian accomplice Alfonz (Ewen Bremner) are diving in Caribbean waters when their battered old boat catches fire and sinks. This mishap doesn’t sit well with ruthless local gangster Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart), a hip-hop millionaire with a taste for treasure hunting. The gangster has been financing Finn’s salvage operation, including the boat now destroyed. For starters, Bigg Bunny dispenses his goons to rough up Finn.


Meanwhile, Finn has to contend with some nastiness from his one-time mentor Moe Fitch (Ray Winstone), who is equally determined to find the buried loot.


But the nastiest situation confronting Finn is that on the same day he finds an elusive big clue, he’s due in court for his divorce to Tess (Kate Hudson) to become final.


Finn doesn’t want the marriage to end, but Tess has grown weary from the years of fruitless search for the Queen’s Dowry. Only now he has found a piece of a plate that proves he’s close to locating an untold fortune in gold and jewels.


As a matter of convenience, Tess is working aboard the mega-yacht owned by billionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland), anchored for the time being in the waters off the Florida coast where Finn is pursuing his dream.


Finn maneuvers himself aboard Nigel’s yacht, and, using his roguish charm, convinces the tycoon to join him on the hunt, much to Tess’ consternation. Nigel appears to be roped into this adventure as a cure for boredom, if only to make a shipboard visit from his airhead daughter Gemma (Alexis Dziena) more bearable.


Dimwitted in the extreme, Gemma serves no useful purpose other than eye-candy, seeing how she is constantly parading around in bikinis. For her part, Tess is a stiff character overly dressed for the tropical climate, though she appears once in a black bikini, which seems more like a perfect occasion for a photo opportunity with her shirtless male co-star.


Fool’s Gold spends an inordinate amount of time speculating about the origins of the Queen’s Dowry and where it is likely to be found. One hopes in vain that they will get on with business in haste, but the climactic action takes its time in coming. This film could take a few cues on pacing from National Treasure, in which the revved-up action easily masks any bland exposition.


Meanwhile, the tropical scenery is very attractive and appealing. At this time of year, the clear blue ocean water seems more inviting than ever. Yet, Fool’s Gold is as deceptive as fake shiny objects at the bottom of the sea.


The surface appeal isn’t worth a whole lot, and Fool’s Gold is short on luster.


DVD RELEASE UPDATE


The poignant, heartwarming family drama The Martian Child didn’t seem to make a big impact at the box office. It may be worth a second look on DVD, particularly if you like impressive performances by talented actors.


John Cusack delivers a touching performance as a recently widowed man who hopes to adopt a fragile young boy who is quirkier than most. The adopted boy believes he’s from Mars and spends much of his time hiding in a large cardboard box.


Assisted by his real-life sister Joan playing his sister, Cusack’s widower embarks on a journey of self-discovery, with a little help also from his quirky friend Amanda Peet. The DVD has the usual deleted scenes, along with a featurette called The Real Martian Child.


Timely for Valentine’s Day, I Could Never Be Your Woman, starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd, arrives on DVD. The package includes three deleted scenes, which is interesting because I don’t remember this film when it was theatrical.


In any case, it’s the charming story of the 40-something Pfeiffer’s television producer finding herself smitten by Rudd’s handsome young actor. Things get complicated when the two lovers confide their true ages.


This could be an autobiographical exercise for director Amy Heckerling, who has written material for audiences many decades younger, as was the case with Clueless.


Tim Riley writes film and television reviews for Lake County News.


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